I have become somewhat of a generational expert, having appeared on national TV and radio talking about generation Y and employment issues. Recently whilst travelling on a delayed flight, I started to think from a parental point of view rather than as a recruiter about the challenges that generation Y face.
As parents we all want a better life for our children than perhaps we have had. I certainly wanted a better or less painful childhood experiences for my sons than I have had. Is that perhaps why we created such a self indulged generation? My parenting situation was not unique. I divorced at 30 when my sons were 5 and 18 months old. On reflection, I absolutely indulged them. They attended private schools, had all the latest games and enjoyed lovely holidays accompanying me on my speaking trips as well as a couple of Christmas cruises. On reflection I indulged them because I had so very little time to spend with them. They were essentially brought up by my parents and various housekeepers whilst I climbed the corporate ladder.
Now of course that they are grown and on their own way in life I wonder whether I have given them enough life skills to "make it". My eldest is about to move in with his girlfriend and I wonder how someone who has always had a cleaner to clean up after him actually possesses the skills to clean up after himself. Is this my fault? Should I have better equipped my sons to face disappointment and failure. My concern for Gen Y is that so few of them have been dissapointed in their lives so far. They haven't on the whole been told to be patient, to try harder or that you have to actually work quite hard to get anywhere in life.
Should we as parents stop indulging them and start parenting more like many of us were parented?
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Dear Gaynor,
ReplyDeleteAs a mother of four teenagers aged 14yrs up to 18yrs, I wouldn't be concerned about your sons having had a housekeeper or being overindulged. It will really come down to attitudes in the end, housekeeping is a very easy skill to acquire. If they have grown up in an hygenic and tidy environment, they won't put up with living any other way for long. It is not will power that counts, we all have the will power, it is the want power, that they need to survive. They will find someone to do it or resort to doing it themselves. They may find they get a great sense of pride when it is their own place they are cleaning.
Living in Toowoomba we have a very high ratio of private schools, children succeed and failed in both systems. My children also attend private schools, and something that really concerns me is the number of teenagers in our private school system taking their lives. We have had dozens over the last two years and many of them boys. My son lost three friends to suicide over the last christmas holidays. He is having a year out of education doing work experience with horses, despite me initally being worried about him missing year 11 for now, I have come to realise there are more important things sometimes, that we totally under-estimate. His own self-worth, which the school environment sometimes hampers, is incredibly important. He has learn't to become very organised and take responsibility for world class eventing horses. He is only 16yrs old and is being poached by an olympic coach, but loves his boss, so has knocked them back. He is pushed to perfection, working with a perfectionist and elite horsewoman, with constant encouragement and recognition for his successes. I have not seem him this happy for years.I am now so aware how crushing attending a boys school was. He now is indicating that he is looking forward to returning to study next year.I think Y generation, face far more pressures and dissapointment at a much younger age than our generation ever did. Feeling connected and that there is at least one person they are very special to is by far more important than giving them anything else. My dad at 80 was a master of his iphone and rang everyday to see how the children and I were. He passed away after an accident in June, and I think about his advice all the time, thou it sometimes was very frustrating. I knew that he loved us very much, despite only seeing him about once a year, because he was a workaholic and very involved with his property in Nth.Qld. When I find it hard going to work I think about my dad working at eighty. Working is a very important part of life they will see by your determination what it takes, and I bet your children have fabulous memories of those cruise holidays. It dosn't matter how expensive they were, you were together and that is what counts. This is a totally different generation to ours, however it has the same essential need, to be respected, loved, and to feel they are worthwhile, then they can grow and face challenges from there, if they succeed or fail is not so important as having the confidence to try again.
regards chris